'So, have you told your boss yet? '

Here I am, another day closer to departure, to my last day at work, to my big gap year. Another day when I started the day building up my courage to come in and talk to my boss to tell him about my plans, and another day passed without it being possible :(

I have long been hesitating when to talk with him. Back a year ago or so, when we set the month for departure to September, I was thinking to tell my boss at least 5 months in advance! To be nice so they have enough time to find a replacement, and to allow me to plan more openly.

Then this year started up and 5 months in advance finally sounded way too early!! So I settled on 4 months. But then realised it was best to wait until the first days in May, as the company then have to pay me at least until end of July, which is one month before when I want to leave - so ok.

Hence first week of May was the decision from my side, Friday to be exact. Friday, to then have the weekend to feel better in case the discussion went bad. Friday, as we can leave at 16 on Fridays and hence I could have gone for an early escape.

Friday morning I get into work and then spend the whole day trying to find a good moment to go in and talk to my boss. But he has one thing after another, and seems to be in a foul mood. My one colleague that knows my plans tells me to wait for another day when my boss will be in a happier mood. But I feel so pumped up that I persist.

However, as I go in and ask if he has a moment, I get told that actually he did not have time to speak with me, but 'how about Monday?'.

Hence all that mental preparation and stress for nothing. Just to go home and wait out the weekend, feeling more and more stressed, not really arriving to relax, irritated, dreaming nightmares about spiders and sharks (my 2 biggest phobias) and in general not very happy nor very motivated about traveling as first I have to tackle this big obstacle.

But Monday it is! So another mental preparation yesterday over the phone with my mother, and then this morning by myself before coming in.

For what? For just another anticlimax as my boss is off sick today!

And tomorrow? Another day or anther disappointment?

Is this not supposed to happen? Am I not supposed to tell him in advance but wait until the 2 months notice that I have to give? Or am I not supposed to go on this trip? What are all these omens? Should I read something into the fact that I do not manage to speak to my boss, that I dream about spiders and sharks - 2 things that I might very well have to face during my trip (especially the spiders, big, fat, hairy ones on that)...

Well, screw the omens! I am set to leave for this year-long travel, for this experience of a lifetime, and I am going to talk to my boss, all omens put aside!!

Well, as long as he one day comes back to the office that is....

Wish me luck!