Divorces = an evil for the children?

Read this article today about divorces and how they influence children. The opinion article argues that divorces are bad for children in all relationships where the parents do not engage in explicit fights or violence. As the latter only supposedly make up about 1/3 of divorcees, in general divorces should be avoided and the state work for helping couples to stay together. Children to divorced parents apparently suffer from more troubles growing up, with tendencies to start smoking more easily, not get as well educated as children where parents stay together, have more problems making friends etc.

Although the article has some good arguments and the writers make sure to emphasis in the last lines that the society should not make divorces more difficult nor should single-parents be blamed, there is still something about it that make me want to scream... or at least write a blog input about it ;)

My first reaction is that the children of divorced parents that I have met have succeeded as well as those whose parents are still together. There life might have been a bit more difficult in times - missing one parent, not trusting relationships as easily (but then again, why is this considered a bad thing?) and so on - but these difficulties have often made them into stronger persons.

My own experience was to thank my parents for having gotten a divorce! Their relationship was unliveable at the end - for everyone including my brother and me who, like most children, directly felt when our parents were sad or angry with each other, even when they did not fight in front of us. You can feel the lack of love, of patience, of want to stay living together and it makes the atmosphere at home quite heavy indeed. My parents also fought sometimes in front of us, so I guess that should put my experience within the range of 1/3 of children to fighting divorced couples.

However, what couple - where the love has run out, where you want to continue with your life without the other person but where you stay on just for the sake of the children - what couple in that situation would never fight? Living with someone is often quite complicated, and if you don't have love to smoothen down things, how do you pass over all those small things that irritates you without ever fighting? I must say that I highly doubt that 2/3 of children of divorces had parents who never verbally fought... If this is the case, then perhaps it is because the parents were smart enough to get divorced once they realised that they weren't meant to stay together, rather than staying on for the sake of it and getting into one fight after another as you do... Perhaps there are other ways of making divorcee children fit better into a smooth life than trying to enforce marriages to go on once the love has died out. I would guess that one of the reasons why they get into trouble more often is rather due to the lack of money in many single-household families than to the fact that the parents have chosen to live their lives...?

Finally, I don't see why the state should get involved in this very private matter and I can't see why two people should stay together after their love is gone just for their children. Children are extremely important, but not at the cost of all the happiness of their parents. And people should be allowed to be happy and I have always believed that happy parents (whether it means parents that get divorced, parents that go back to work quite early as they feel better that way, or that want to stay at home for the first 10 years or so, parents that live their lives while still providing for their children) make happier children. Me for one, was happier once my parents divorced and they could calm down, be happy and become friends, going on living the lives that they preferred. Having my father moving back across the continent was very difficult, but for me not linked that much to the divorce as to his homesickness. In short, I am what you could call a happy child of divorced parents and recommend getting a divorce to anyone if the relationship doesn't work anymore.

My last 2 cents before leaving for holiday tomorrow, to see my mother and family in Sweden and to perhaps thank my mother again for having taken the necessary step to render the lives of her, my father, my brother and me so much more simple and happy. To be honest, I am quite sure that my brother and I would probably have had more problems growing up if my parents had stayed together.

me - an environmental threat?

Was just thinking about all my planned trips this year around the world, well mostly around Europe, but with one trip to China also planned. Was thinking about the trips with a big smile as feeling all happy about all the places I'll visit, the time I'll get to spend with family and so on. And then suddenly it kind of hit me that with all these flights I'm really not helping the environment :(

So how do you make the two ends meet? How do I continue to dream about travelling the world without destroying too much of it? How do I continue to work in a country other than the 2 where different parts of my family lives without going back all the time and hence being bad for the environment? How do I work in an organisation which is trying to make the world a safer and better place, but where half the staff travel 40% of the time?... So far I have some excuses - like the fact that at least Geneva is in between Sweden and Slovenia so I don't have to travel that far each time, and would still need to travel between the 2 countries to see both my parents... And some small solutions like paying the extra fee for environmental tax on my last flight ticket (only cost about 5 CHF for my flight Geneva-Stockholm-Geneva and made me feel a bit better), take the train to Paris in September, when I'm then flying to Beijing from there... And this year, I only flew once for work - better than all the years before although not by my own choice. And I almost always walk to work, or go by rollerblades. Sometimes I do take the bus, and sometimes I go with N's car or scooter, but most of the time I walk. However, one flight seems to cancel all the other effort. And this year might be one of the worst for my personal flights so far. Judge yourselves and let me know if you have any good tips for how to allow for both travelling and living environmentally friendly?

This year in numbers of flights:
2 flights Geneva - Stockholm and back
1 flight Geneva - Lisbon and back
2 flights Geneva - Barcelona and back
1 flight Paris - Beijing and back
1 flight Geneva - Belgrade and back (for work)
???

Saturday's recipe

1 cuddly morning in bed
2 handfuls of mixed fruits for breakfast
2 filled cups of sailing on a windy, sunny day among friends
3 spoons of rollerblading down by the lake
a sprinkle of swimming in the lake
1 serving of mixed sushi
1/2 a bottle of excellent white wine from our wine tasting trip in May
1 big serving of laughter
1 handful of sunset against a cloudy sky
love, kisses and cuddles after taste
1-2 overfull glasses of wine offered by a russian group that like to speak a lot!
if possible - rollerblading back down by the lake, N trying to keep upright on his rollers, me rollerblading while bending over double of laughter

= happiness

today's recipe

Ingredients:
about 4 caipi's the day before
1 sangria
a little sprinkle of food only
a bit short on the sleep
a handful of quite crappy music
1 cup of good friendship

= a smile and a bit of a hangover.... luckily it's friday, the sun is shining and I found some nice rice and mais crackers to eat for breakfast - calming down the sloushing effect from the alcohol...

tonight i think we'll go to the parc for a free concert - looks cool :)

today's recipe

Ingredients:
1 airline starting a direct cheap fligth geneva - stockholm
2 weeks of christmas in stockholm booked
1 happy mum
a little bit of money only

= a big smile :)

photos from "la rue est à vous"

A bit late since it took place in May, but here are some cool photos from an event where they closed of several of the streets from traffic in my neighbourhood and lots of small happenings were going on with concerts, theater for kids etc...

wow

The best way to spend a lunch break in Geneva: put on rollers, down by the lake, stop for some sushi (today I had salmon speciality and nordic rolls = best sushi ever!!!), continue out on the pier to get closer to the water and away from car noise and most people, change, sit on a rock with a gentle warm breeze in the face, once warm enough after the cold air-conditioned office - dive into the water and swim, swim, swim and enjoy!!!, dry in the sun while eating, really making sure to taste all the flavours miam, lie down and let the sunstrokes caress the body, fall asleep for a short nap = relaxation guaranteed!!

This was the way I spent my lunch 1h30min today. So needed, so longed for, a perfect moment of paradise, vacation and wow :)

today's dream about a different life...

Woke up in a bit of a grumpy mood despite the beautiful weather and having fallen asleep laughing yesterday - not sure why, perhaps some forgotten dreams, perhaps the fact that it was yet another working day... Kind of made me ponder, as so often, if my job is the right one for me. It's not that i hate my job (well at least not most day), i actually like it quite a lot especially lately since i got a promotion and have been given more responsibility and more interesting tasks. It's more that i'm never really sure if this is really what i want to do but then i don't know what that 'thing' is, so i let life go on. Someone said, though, that when you found the thing you like to do you wake up with a smile on working mornings (at least most of them) feeling joy about going to work. And although i like my job, i'm far from feeling any joy from it except for very rare moments. So perhaps it's time that i have a change, that i find something different to do - the question, however, is both quite simple and oh so complicated: what?

Today's answer is to open some kind of book and lunch place. A place where you can go and have a nice break from your job, eating something healthy and yummy, with some allergic adapted meals, and where there are lots of different books to look in, read during lunch and perhaps even borrow, or buy... A place with nice and filling salads - something severely missing in Geneva where you can get tomate mozza anywhere but where it's very difficult to get a nice salad with filling and yummy ingredients...

Negative points though: my salary would most probably drop severely - and it's too expensive in Geneva, and my father, after a few decades as a restaurant owner, told me never to open or work in the restaurant business....

Positive point: to work with food and among books - 2 things i love! however, the idea is probably a bit romanticised in my mind...

Good girl...or...

Had a doctor's appointment this morning and came out in a bit of a sad, tired, depressed mood... If I'm a good girl I should now stop eating all products with gluten (pasta, pizza, bread, couscous...you name it), with milk (cheese, yoghurt, ice cream...), with yeast which regretfully seems to include not only vinegar and I don't mind eating salads but not without vinegar :( and all alcohols... Well at least according to the doctor - but I think that I will have to research this last bit a bit further... so either I continue eating as normal and will probably, in a few years, have to start taking some kind of awful pill for the rest of my life or I become a good girl and decide to eliminate all the products mentioned above and hopefully my body will regulate itself, but probably I'll still have to take the same pill... what to do? I could go without milk and gluten products although it will be a pain since it makes your life very inflexible since most restaurants becomes a no no. No wine or vinegar will be more difficult though... and part of my life will become really boring... Perhaps I will try to do my best, and maybe cheat at some moments and hope for the best...

No wonder then that I felt like getting some nice sun flowers on my way to work to try to cheer me up a bit and bring in at least some sun in my life :)

What would be the most difficult food stuff for you to give up?

Today's street shot

Two American men taking photos in front of Iran Air and looking very naughty... Wish I had my camera on me - next time ;)

The best sandwich in the world???

I had heard about this sandwich place close to work by several of my colleagues who swear by it as it is supposed to have these great yummy best sandwiches, in if not the world, then at least in Geneva. For some reason I have never gone there myself before - perhaps my normal resistance to following the crowds. When one person tells me a book is a great read I get interested and might well pick up a copy within a few days. When lots of people tells me that 'this is the book to read', the chances are bigger that I won't read it than that I will... Why? Good question - but I guess I prefer to find my own way, my own catches and to be surprised.

Hence my earlier reluctance to try out this 'great sandwich' place for a year or so. Yesterday lunch however, after a friend cancelled on me last minute and as I was starving but with no real idea of where to go or what I felt like eating, I finally tried out these sandwiches. Not to be disappointed, which was a surprise. Not really knowing what to ask for as there are lots and lots of choices, I asked for some assistance and the lady working there was very happy to help me out. Finally chose parma ham, parmiganno cheese, sun dried tomatoes with a marvellous taste, roasted aubergines in garlic and zucchini dipped in breadcrumbs. The result: wow! A huge, super tasty sandwich where everything seemed to melt in my moth with a mixture of flavours filling my senses. And all this for 12CHF. A bit more expensive than an ordinary sandwich - but a lot bigger and the ingredients are really top class.

If it was indeed the best sandwich in the world? I am not sure as I have some great memories of sandwiches from my vacations in Slovenia. However, it was for sure the best sandwich I have had in a long long time. Perhaps this should teach me to sometimes listen to what other people suggests ;)))

Or perhaps not. I kind of like going my own way in life...

Chinese interrogation methods at Guantánamo...

What can I say other than that some "lessons learned" are the wrong ones. This is one example(also in Swedish news). Shameful.

See also an earlier comment on the use of torture on 13 March.